you told me you loved me
why did you leave me, all alone
now you tell me you need me
im already gone.
Friday, July 09, 2010
;
12:10 AM
oh. it has been a long time since i blogged. damn shagged by life man. it's a wonder i can pull it through. till now, i still wonder how did i made it this far. i suppose it was the various support i had gotten from my besties and sisters. [=
however, most of the time. i had to depend on myself. hai. things are getting tougher as time passes. i don't know how much longer can i withstand all these crap. maybe i could reminisce the happy times. it helps a bit, however, as soon as i got happy while thinking of them, the feeling was gone. as fast as it came. then i realised; happiness are shortlived.
happy;oh. my taiwanese buddy is awesome ^^. even though the moments we spent tgt are short. but they were still happy.!!! her name is 欧佩华. her nickname is PAuL.oh. she loves jay chou , justin bieber and spongebob. she loves black and blue! and she is prettie^^. oh she is one year younger than me but she is taller ]= her best friend is called萧人慈. sounds familiar??? >< oh. she gave me two of her大头帖. it is really大头贴. at first i tot ius neoprint. but it turned out to be a self potrait photo with ur big face!!! HAHAH. but oh wells. its prettie. so who cares. keke. she gave me a big blue flower and a card!!! prettie!!!!! i gave her stuffs too!!! YAY. hope to keep in touch!
oh it's getting late. and my translation proj just wont upload itsle. im really pissed with hotmail!!!
but what can i do. ]=
oh shall blog soon. going on a spree nowadays! DAMN.
------------------------------------------------x--------------------------------------------
说不出许多忧
忘不了许多愁
i'm gone; so long
Friday, January 15, 2010
;
11:07 PM
its hectic sch life! two week is gone and its getting tougher and tougher. aye. long time no on comp le. thats why nvr post X: she's very tired laaaa~ nobody visit her blog anyways... aye.
got one day i rmb super siao. actually that day is no pt lo. dhen we like super happy. but the worse thing came. we went first second third floor to search for physics lab 4. den aft that we waited for a while. tcher never come. den we thought maybe tacher went to class le. den we chiong all de way down to class. den few classmates who were left upstairs suddeenly waved to us and say tcher come le. den we chiong upstairs again grumbling. den aft that we realise another class came den the tcher sorted it out den somehow we cant use it and go back to class again laaaa. omg super killer. grumble grumble.
dhen..... uh. learning symposium aka l.s. was quite ohk laaa. i little boring. hahahah. spent a fun time there though. super funny. and i was quite happy for some reasons X: hahah. hmmm. dhen after that dear old jie come my house wor..... we like having picnic siah. truckloads fatty things to eat! ahh my weight! den chatted and stuffs enjoyhable and relaxing time ba. funny moments too. ^^ den i wanna cook maggie mee for her. hahahah. super funny siah. OMTIAN guess what we added! super funny. laugh until i stomachache. vinegar! its nice ohk! dun give disgusted look laaaa~
& IT'S ABOUT CRYING.
crying doesnt mean you're weak. its a way to relieve whats bottle up within you. its a way to relieve stress and cry your pain out. after crying doesnt mean you will feel ohk though. for some unknown reasons you will still feel sad.
-------------x--------------
looking back and thinking about how sweet memories are;
it was when we realise how cruel reality is.
you wouldn't know what is pain
until you had hit the big fat wall of reality.
aye, time flies. we'll be parting soon.
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i'm gone; so long
Saturday, January 09, 2010
;
7:13 PM
haish.... i dunnno why, i'm getting ups and downs nowadays. super happy and super sad until i can cry. idk. jus think of stuffs. i really hope life could get better. maybe it was me who is the problem. the way i look at things and the way that i live my life.
i really hope people will care more for me leyyy. lol.. instead of the other way round. i hope people will seriously take initiative, instead of the other way round. i'm tired. really tired.
i'm reading a book that jie bought me from china. its a super cool and touching book. super super. even me who hardly cry while readin veh much wanted to. it is realy OMG!
yeah. next week yr 5 and 6 sch reopen. harhar. like that then fair to us ma. LOL. yeah. imma really weird nowadays idk why. really really weird. my mood, the stuffs i said, the various ways i bahaved and stuffs i think, the way i think and see things. sometimes good mostly bad. lol. idk how to say. aye. i bet busy days is round the corner! 3BingBongBiang gonna jiayous. and other year 3s too LOL.
idk what to say le... bye!
-------------*----------------
seriously, the past are bothersome.
people are bothersome.
my thoughts are bothersome.
the ways people treats me are bothersome.
it is bothering me; my mood too much.
it hurts, it pained, its suicidal.
hope it will stop someday
--------------*------------------
i'm gone; so long
Friday, January 08, 2010
;
3:10 PM
ahhhh. alot of hw. !!!! alot alot. got math. clit bicult.phy. chinese and eng! ahhhh. math is gonna take me liken super long! ahhhh die. chinese and eng ohk. clit also alot. and bicult. aye. sian sian sian. but i ohk.
i think i made a few frens. LOL. but most is old fren. . LOL. sit with dear and dear. hahahha. our teacher was ohk. llalalla funnny ppl. but idk they teach gd anot. our class got alot ppl!!!!!!! 40 plus! more transfer in i think. its squeezy leh..... aye. i shrunk! lighter and shorter. idk what to blog.
i veh emo nowadays. aye. super down. but thanks to some ppl hahahah cheer me up! (: but sometimes no use.... aye. veh sad. i need love love love. any kind. fren also can hahahah. i veh sian.
that ah ning. dun let me bathe. dun let me do this and that. stupid-.- i cant do anyth! i need to go do my stuff. she keep asking me to talk to her. she want me to kill her time. so mean! always li yong me!!!!! huh! maybe i owe her in my last life. but now i need to bathe and do hw. she dun let me! ahhhh!!!!! veh sian.
that ah ning!!! ahhh! QI SI WO LE. dun let me got bathe. ahhhh. keep asking me to talk to her.
ok done. we talked for an hour! omg. can u believe it. lol. she better pay me back and treat me nicely.
aye. emomo. imma kinda wondering things nowadays. cause i saw alot of it. and and emotions within me just mixed. idk. bits of these and thats. i just dun understand these ppl. do i really know them? they dun listen. they spiked ppl. do anyth without thinking abt everything that could possibly happened after that. i admit imma like that to. but at least i think. they dont. they do things impulsively. aft that they tasted they medicine and regretted about it. forgetting about the fact that it was the choice they had made in the first place when other ppl around them is asking him/ her not to. in the end. they blamed everyth and everyone. not looking at themselves, people are always liike that i guess. they dun admit whats wrong with themselves however, keep finding faults with other people. when will they learn? idk. really really. this is really hard. really. maybe i should not have tried in the first place cause im left dissapointed now. alot alot. my heart just fell to bottom bottom. aye. imma gonna improve myself for now and not giving a damn abt other ppl le. i shud just live my screwed up life and stop poking my nose everywhere. maybe i shud just devote myself in sch works and sch mates. idk why imma veh happy ard them. harhharh. alth imma like issed and upset with hw and them but ohk la! yay!
yay. there is gonna be no more noisy and nosy me le. happy? no more retarded smile. relentless blabbering and nagging. it just left me tired out. i've been retarded all the while. yah. thanks. i have had my lesson learnt. thanks truckloads.
-------x--------
i hope my life can change.
change for the better.
no more pain.
no more disappointment.
no more stresss. no more no more
sooner or later imma gonna breakdown.
like really. hope i can pull through it ba.
that is all i wanted. be stronger.
-----------x------------
i'm gone; so long
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
;
6:13 PM
today was ahhhhh. emo! i got free period and alot of them. idk what to do. cause only me and a guy got the same combi. so...... ya. i just loner lo. maybe i go lib from now on and emo. slack. dunnnno what to do. hectic life has yet to start manzxc. i still got no hw. i rather have no hw than to take chem. today was ohkay. i realise after all. only rina and liu han is most friendly and truthful and treat me the best. shuying was second. wan xuan can pardon her cause she psl! hahahha ppl still say hello to me though .... vivan, xiu mei, joanne, marion. they were awesome frens!!!! those who do so!!!!!! love yah guys!!!lol. i will stil remember de. hmmm. i envy 2j gals siah. they are still ever so hot (: hahahah.. i know alot "secret" today. ah ning... ahem ahem super funny. laugh until i...... faints. aye aye. lib is like my second classroom lo seriously. aye aye aye. i can build a house and emo there! LOL! sian sian sian.
i wanna change my life siah. though some parts i like it. some parts i dun. heh heh. school was quite fun sometimes. quite like our tchers. :D we are super fortunate lo! our teachers super nice. idk. abt some...... hmm....... let time show ba.
haish school is super stuffy i kept sweating buckets, now i know why le. is cause i took anti biotics and sweat cold sweats! lol. my mum told me today. that explains why i wasnt even sticky aft that. stairs were killer. i climb until woah. ohkay la. can exercise. and walking from one place to another is super super far. i till now dun even know how to walk to my class! so obvious imma lu chi nia. still need ppl to rescue me. lol! and imma lost la. omg omg. school is spinning my head ard. every cornor and every stairs looks de same. ahhhh. help! i even mistook the librarian for the principal. omg. YAH YAH I REALLY CMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhh. yah yah retarded me
saw big bang badges today! woah. getting them real real soon. i guess when they display de got pics de ba. aye. yay tomo i think no chem.that means no lonely free period for me ^^ hahaha. and i beat xiaodan for amounts of free period. lol. nth to be proud and boast abt though. only more slacking and rest time X: i really hope can do better for my eng ._. imma getting worried... nvm...
pretending and pretending and pretending. it is what i'm gonna do for now. fake a smile. its an easy task for me now. i'll only be my real self in sch. so dun worry sch mates. hahaha.
dun worry queen and crystal dear..... it is not ur imma upset about. i'll reserve a place for ur in my heart de.
------------------x-------------------
what you have had done to me;
you will get it back; not to worry.
probably i won't do anything to you;
but i will remember you forever;
feel hornoured.
------------------x-------------------
i'm gone; so long
Monday, January 04, 2010
;
10:15 PM
haish.... it was ohkay ba. school is super stuffy and big and messy! lost my way! ._. the hall de flooring is a little bouncy bouncy type. super cool. and the grass is synthetic or whatever de. means we wont gett muddy feild! YEAH! and it is not even grass at all. its like green coloured plastics stuff? at first i thought is short short grass nia. LOL. but some beady stuffs keep getting into our shoes hahahah ppl super funny. we all remove our shoes and pour the stuffs out. but i still prefer it over muddy field! one thing to whine about is that BICULTURAL CLASS HAS NO AIRCON! previously all have de lor! HAISH! ahhhh. but its ohkay la. its in the cornor. sort of. yupyup. quite windy. yeah! sit with wei ning and woon min. but idk who should i go with ley. its like i'm neither here nor there. hope i'll blend into 2j they all? idk. but i'm still more comfortable with RINA, WAN XUAN, SHU YING and LIUHAN! AHHH I MISS THEM LIKE HELL LOT. i wonder if they feel the same way. LOL. ahhhh. and i'll be having hell lot of free period. lol. cause of my combi. but the ppl whom got same combi with me de idk ley. sian sian. hope tomorrow is gonna be a better day!
sad thing is about cca stuffs. ahhh. dun wanna talk about it le. super emo. haish. this school. idk what to say le. well. mindsports is no longer a cca in rv. thanks to RVHS. idk why they wanna kick us out. haish. i wanna scream like hell. super super emo. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. good game le.
hope i'll be happier ba. with surroundings changed. yup yup. idk though. i'm still dang sian diao. but i quite fortunate le. hahah cause i know quite alot of ppl in my class. still ohk ba trying to blend in.
actually i'm gonna watch hi sweetheart. but i think veh late le!!!!!!!!!! ahhh. i'm still super sian nowwwww........................ idk why.this life life life of mine........... idk. i'm like stuck. idk where to go what to do.
--------------x-----------------
i'm neither here not there
my mind is just.empty.
i really dont know what to do
but i guess i'll just
keep holding on.
-----------------x-----------------
i'm gone; so long
Sunday, January 03, 2010
;
2:12 PM
its last day of hols! believed that everyone really dreaded for this day. cause after today. live's gonna change. the surrounding is gonna change. the people, the voice, the attitude.... blah blah.
i'm pretty annoyed and upset with people nowadays. maybe it is them who's changing and probably its me. i dont know. really. i hope i could find an answer to it.
i keep wondering.what happened to those days when friends are forever and when promises were real? when everything is just so perfect. but i can't say perfect. it is just fine. yup. now it is all screwed. ahhhh. really saddoh. but i can't do anything about it. it isn't up to me.
i keep trying but i think it got worse or sth. everything isn't working for me loh. like seriously.
idk what happened. but all i'm gonna say. i give up. i know there are ups and downs in life, you cant help it. but ever tried and experienced all downs? consecutively? it suck sucks sucks. i'm sick and tired of doing everything initiatively.i'm gonna pretend it's not hurting me, quit acting like i'm all right and stop faking a smile. cause it is hurting my face, my heart and myself. faking is what hypocrites do right? yeah. i'm gonna stop being one. don't worry. i'm not harming you all all these while i'm just being a hyprocrite to myself. i'm gonna stop lying to myself.
idk what to say le. mood off. maybe i should just concentrate on school mates instead of religous mates ba after all these years of tremendous effoorts put in, what did i get? at least sch mates cared. they give me comforts(some la). hope everything is better in new class. that is all i hoped. i'm pinning all my hopes on it.please please please. let my life be better. let everything end with 2009.
-----x------
after years of trying, what i get is;
a broken heart. an empty mind and withered soul
----------x----------
i'm gone; so long
